I'll be updating this post with details during commercials:
1) Horus is in his "human" form, with this escaped renegade guy who's lost his leg. The guy's like "I'm alive but I'm useless without the leg." So Horus grabs a couple feet of rail tie and says "Don't worry, this is your new leg." And these laser beams come out of his eyes and, while standing on a subway track with the guy on the platform, and while NAKED except for an Egyptian fig leaf thing, he transforms the tie into a heavy, metal foot, which he attaches (through god-power) to the guy's body. The leg is too heavy for the guy, but it's OK, Horus just hijacks the man's body.
2) Horus has this hulking, buff body and, of course, a hawk's head. When he talks, he of course sounds "exotic." And there's a flap in his neck that moves, because I guess he doesn't talk out of the hawk's head, he talks out of his neck.
3) Central character (besides Horus and the man with the iron foot) is this white-and-blue-skinned mystery chick who wears creepy clothes and instead of hair, has this weird blue bathing cap on her head. And she keeps going from the top level of New York down to this other level to meet with this god-like man who's a mummy, except dressed all in black. At one point she puts on a 1960s space suit and ends up in some sort of dark space / outer space with the black mummy man and they're floating and talking about something called the Incursion and how she's changing into a human.
4) Then there's this other guy who's a cross between the Devil and a hammerhead shark man.
5) Horus, still possessing the Slavic guy with the metal leg, has sex with the bluehaired chick, and afterward she's mad and runs off. So Horus and Nikola are lying in bed (like Satan and Saddam in the South Park movie) talking about rape. Nikola says no more body sharing, that's wrong, so Horus demonstrates his god powers.
6) Blue-haired chick gradually gets actual hair instead of bathing cap, but it's short and purple-blue.
7) Blue-haired chick is taking bath in claw-foot bathtub. The water is opaque blue. Slavic guy wants in, they talk, and he sticks his arm in the water. "That wasn't a very smart thing to do," she says. "The blue of my tears stains human skin forever." And they they start to make out. And she's suddenly in outer space.
8) It seems the red hammerhead shark things can travel through the water mains and up into bathtubs, materialize whole, float through air, and then once outside, slide around the sides of skyscrapers while chasing flying cabs.
9) The woman has a baby and to avoid spoilers, I'll say the baby is.. unusual.
10) Last scene: Pyramid flying off into space, then Horus wearing all his ceremonial Egyptian armor.
I can't make this sh*t up! It's like Storm's book Calenture in its weirdness. And if I had swallow of drink for every WTF moment, I'd be a lot more messed up than I was Thursday night.
I just did some poking and have found out the title of this is actually Immortel and it's from 2004, based on a graphic novel series, which is what I guessed when Caleb and I first were sitting there staring. More info:
And the most helpful in terms of showing the WTF: THE MOVIE'S TRAILER!
Horus. He talks out of his neck.
Horus emerges from his sarcophagus while Hathor and Bast (?) look on.
I *LOVE* stumbling across completely crazy ass movies like this. Some people would give this movie an F because it didn't make a whole lot of sense and the digital people were, well, obviously digital, but HELL, it was cool. I give it a B for Bizarre and am happy to skip the popular schlock.