November 30th, 2002

sideview, obamame_sideview

Touched by an angel of mercy... or something

What the hell?! For the past week I have been stuck in some pointless non-event-based depression and it was really making me, well, MAD, just couldn't lick it... And then today I was home lying in bed, waiting for a friend to call me when, half-sleeping, I swear the crap, it's like the switch in my brain switched and I was OK again. Literally, I was lying in bed, dozing in the sun, cursing my stupid mood and wishing to hell I could just get over it, when I had this sensation in my head, which I SAW, that the power had gone out. It flickered black for second and I was startled, just like when you're falling asleep and suddenly half-dream you've fallen down some steps (a universal half-waking dream, so I've heard). The first time it was just a bit and I opened my eyes and looked around, then realized I must have dreamt it. Then a minute or so later, I was dozing again and it happened, this time more strongly. I woke up and looked around. Everything looked the same but oddly, I suddenly knew I was OK again. I tested this out by thinking about the rest of the day, what I wanted to do, and yes, seems I was OK since suddenly I had some confidence, anticipation. I got up and got on with things -- finally! It's true I still don't feel quite right -- tired, have a headache -- but I feel interested in being alive, which is more than I could say yesterday, when I went around all day just wanting to curl up on the couch and cry; everything else made me grump and complain. Now in an hour I'm going out to dinner with friends, going to get dressed up, and I am looking forward to it. How frickin' weird! Did God flip my switch? I was actually thinking of going to church tomorrow (yeah, how atypical, but a chat with someone inspired me towards nostalgia) but now I think I definitely will, as I am grateful I have maybe (I hope, I hope) turned the corner.
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sideview, obamame_sideview

happy happy

i think the funk is definitely over.

snapped out of it, helped friends move, got dressed up for fancy dinner, then got invited into online chat with none other than storm constantine :) i'm helping plan the wraeththu convention in england next year, we had a "planning" meeting online with some people. then i went out had the best damn meal with daniel and caleb, wonderful, wonderful. then i got back and got into another chat with storm, gabby, taylor, etc., while they were up late in england drunk on a few bottles of wine. i am SO happy. i even got invited by storm to come stay with her a day before the con starts so she and i and other can meditate together. i am even more excited about the con than before!

:)