January 1st, 2003

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What the hell is going on?

So far 2003 has been confusing.

The party turned out weird. OK... not bad... but confusing. And outside the house the party was at: "Firecrackers or gunfire?" Couldn't tell -- some confusion. But I think gunfire was more likely. The party hostess was confused about the neighborhood, said she lived in Grant Park. Next time I see her, I may give her a geography lesson.

Tail end of party and when I got home, dealt with a medical issue that caused me enough concern I was considering going to the emergnency room for the first time in my life... only now it seems better. If the issue starts up again tomorrow, I AM going -- insurance will pay. Anyway, THAT is confusing since I can't figure out what the hell could be causing it. I won't get into it here unless I end up actually going.

Now there seems to be either a plane or a helicopter BUZZING Downtown, just obviously swooping right over again and again. Confusing. Ack, here it comes again! If I heard rat-a-tat-tat I'd think I was in a WWII movie or something. Sheesh. And people were just screaming shit on Walton Street. Oh... here comes the plane again... WTF? Firecrackers. It's 3 AM people, get over it!

Plane coming through again! Or maybe it's a helicopter hovering. Wait... yeah, I think it is. I can't see it, but I hear it. SO weird! What the hell is going on?
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
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My Year As An Alphabet

Everybody's reviewing the year that's passed. Here's my way of writing out a few of the things that made up my life in 2002.


  • A if for attitude, which I fought to adjust
  • B is for "Breeding Discontent," the fanfic story I wrote with Mercredi
  • C is for Constantine, Storm, whose writing and friendship have meant to much to me
  • D is for Dragon*Con, which I attended for the first time
  • E is for exhausted, which is what I was 90 percent of the time
  • F is for fat, which is what I got after I went to Germany and slacked off on diet and exercise
  • G is for Germany, which kicked ass
  • H is for haircut, which I got in Germany, along with a dye job
  • I is for Inception, the Storm fanzine that got better and better
  • J is for joyous, how I felt when I got my new contract at Central Atlanta Progress
  • K is for Kris and our late-night YIM chat sessions
  • L is for lucky, which I have been, receiving a lot of blessings
  • M is for my friend Mercredi; together we went through a lot
  • N is for neighborhood, which I continued to be heavily involved in
  • O is for Outworlders, the social group I found in June, full of great people
  • P is for periods, which for me were and are complete f*cked up
  • Q is for queer, which Outworlders helped me feel again
  • R is for rich, which I became again after...
  • S is for sold, which is what happened to Caleb's and my condo finally
  • T is for Tonette, who annoyed me to the point of hysterical hatred
  • U is for used, which I got to feeling
  • V is for visions, which I had more and more of
  • W is for Wraeththu, which I continued to be very involved in
  • X, Y and Z are for the things I couldn't fit into this list, liking work on my book, vacations, family and more.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
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The power of negative thinking

Sometimes I do things just to confirm what I already know. One example: Weighing myself. Another example: Taking depression self-exams. Almost any time I take one, it's because I am, once again, depressed and stuck there. Tonight I even went overboard and took like 15 different online tests, came out as pretty seriously depressed according to every set of scores. What I hate about this is that I'll get like this and just when I'm thinking of doing something about it, I feel better again, only then I slide back. I wish you could lose depression just like you lose weight (um, which I hope to be doing). Oh, well, I think a lot of things I plan on doing this year, including exercise and treatment by the doctor for my hormonal problems, should correct some of this and get me on track so only real things make me feel like shit.
  • Current Music
    Epicycles EP by the Changelings