June 18th, 2003

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Homesickness -- 7 years later, it still gets me!

My oldest sister, Nancy, made me wonderfully happy today by visiting me. Not that she planned it, but she had to go to Chile to complete part of an international research study she's working on and when she realized she had a seven-hour layover here in Atlanta, she emailed me and we arranged to meet up. I met her in the airport atrium at 7:30 this morning and we took MARTA back to Downtown. Over three hours, I showed her my building, my home, had breakfast, walked around Fairlie-Poplar, went to Blue Cloud, walked around the park. The last hour was just us talking in my living room.

It was so nice. I love my sister a lot. She's so much older than me (she was dating her husband when I was born!) that we're not really close like her and my other sisters are, but we have a kinship and I certainly have a lot more in common with her than I do with my other sisters. Nancy, my brother Tom and I are the "artistic" ones while Betty and Carolyn are more programmers/analysts who are much more conventional and conservative, more prone to being a suburban clone, thinking about things in terms of "What will people think?" She loved my house, was excited about Breeding Discontent, and didn't hit me with any of this concerned older sister crap my other sisters give me sometimes. It was like we were friends or something, which is how it should be. I enjoyed listening to her talk about her work in Chile, my nephew Ian's 3D rendering work, how much my nephew Sean looks like me, etc.

Sigh. So anyway, finally around 11 I had to usher her back to MARTA so she could catch her flight back to New York State. Not sure what airport she's going to. She's a professor at Bard College. I'll see her again next month when I go home to Massachusetts but it did make me really sad to say goodbye. Nobody will be visiting me here for a long, long time, if ever :( And I can't afford to go home as often as I'd like.

On the way back to work I stopped at CVS and got hit with homesickness -- the in-store music channel was playing that song about the "light in Massachusetts." Wahhhhh. I just wanna go home now!
  • Current Music
    that Massachusetts song
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Homesickness Part II

Been thinking, last day or two... I grew up in a really big family, at least immediate family. There are a lot of us. We are very loud, energetic. I was basically trampled underfoot, part of the reason I spent so much time with my grandmother. I always could fit in with it all, living in the middle (the bottom?) of that tornado, but on the other hand, I used to squirrel away and hide from them, I got really overwhelmed sometimes too, especially when it came to defining my own space, territory, identity, when there were so many of us, so much to compete against.

Anyway, given all that, it's interesting I've chosen to isolate myself basically a thousand miles away and hardly ever talk to them, huh? I mean, I don't talk to my siblings AT ALL except seeing them 2-3 times a year and occasional emails. I call my parents every two weeks. I visit at Christmas for a week and generally once in spring, once in late summer, one other time a year too, depending.

Why have I turned away from them like this? Is it guilt? Is it because I can't stand the homesickness if I really "stay in touch"? Is the way I'm living my life now just the equivalent of how I used to squat in the corner drawing and humming loudly to block out reality? I think to myself, "Maybe I'm just not a family-oriented person" but I know that's not true. Family is, or was, very important to me. I think I'm just denying it for convenience sake.

Someday I am going to move. back. home.
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy
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My LJ Name "Means"

WHOAH, this is eerie... More eerie than astrology even! I mean, come on!

Magic Number10
JobPorn Star
PersonalityThe Glass Is Half-Empty
SexualJust Say No
Likely To WinThe Booker Prize
Me - In A WordBeautiful
Brought to you by MemeJack

One thing... notice how I'm a porn star who just says no to sex?!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

have i lately mentioned...

...how much i love susy?

she just sent me one of her 5-pages-single-spaced emails. sigh. i wuv her. should i go to california and visit her? i think i can face up to her now, not like before. she has the summer off.

here she is -- sent me this pic today. i think this is the first time i have ever seen her natural haircolor, since i assume that no full-blooded italian would be a redhead ;)

  • Current Mood
    happy happy

Do you think they make incense...

...that smells like the stuff you strike matches on? Because THAT smells good.

If somebody tells me it's sulphur I'll crack up. I LOVE the smell of sulphur. I always want to eat it... though the few times I've come close to something like that (i.e. the essence of sulphur bath I once had)... big mistake :)
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
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The Joys of Web Development

So I have this client. A bit of a perfectionist. He is organized, however, and very reliable, polite, precise, helpful. But he's also very persistant and he expects to ride me all summer like I'm a horse (stop snickering, I mean professional relations). Must keep a handle on him. So far, so good but GAH, just talked to him for an hour straight about his home page. Going to be some miracle if I can accomplish what it is he wants but I will see what I can do. Good thing is, he's not paying me by the hour, instead I've got a big lump-sum at the end of this. Decided I'd rather do it that way and set a big honkin' price than deal with worrying about huge overruns on hours. Believe me, if it doesn't work out, I will be venting here (i.e. "Aaaaaah! Phil is trying to win the Triple Crown with me!")
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated