September 29th, 2003

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Now You're Pregnant, Now You're Not

Well, last night I had one of those classic "I'm-pregnant-but-I-forgot" dreams, only this one had a twist.

In the dream, which had some other plot going on, there was me and a bunch of other people, including people from Outworlders, work, my neighborhood, etc. And in the dream, I realized I was pregnant and was like "OK, hmmm..." not a huge reaction, because I think I was busy with some other activity and I didn't have time to register it.

Well, then as the dream went on, turns out a bunch of other women were pregnant too. So I'm there talking with people and everybody is making a fuss over these women and suddenly I'm like "Oh, yeah, I forgot, I've got a baby coming too!" I realize actually I've got a pretty huge belly going on, as I'm around five or six months. Then I suddenly got mad because nobody had noticed. I realized everybody just figured I was getting fat!

Nobody noticed still, even though to me it seemed like you'd have to be blind not to, and I was there feeling put out and also thinking, "Ut oh, I really have screwed up here..." Suddenly I think about how I haven't even been to a doctor. On the up side, I realize I never got morning sickness, which was a lucky break. Caleb is there and I tell him what's up and it's then that I realize something else weird -- like there's no friggin' way I could be pregnant unless somehow something happened I don't know about. LOL. Caleb shakes his head and berates me for my "mental lapse."

Well, at that point I start to panick. I have to get to a doctor! I need to plan stuff! I do some math and realize the baby will be born in three months, right when I start self-employment and working at home -- pretty convenient timing actually. Then I start to actually try telling me. It's kind of hard because I have no CLUE who the father is, and everybody thinks it was some deliberate thing or that I did artificial insemination, although I didn't. I just didn't know!

The last thing I can remember in the dream was me meeting up with my family -- and least my siblings. I had some news for them. I told them about my self-employment plan and some other things but I coudln't bear to tell them I was pregnant. My sister Nancy was eyeing my belly sort of pointedly but everybody else acted like they didn't notice, went back to taking care of their kids. (Lately my siblings have been rather rude to me, not responding in any way when I send gifts or email.) I want to ask if I should tell Mom and Dad but I chicken out.

I woke up to find that indeed I am just getting fat, I'm not pregnant.

*Sigh* (of relief I guess!)
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    confused confused
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(no subject)

I promise I'm going to write about the out I had yesterday (wheeeee! that was fun!) but right now between work and having really bad cramps and then being sore from the riding, I am flattened. I feel like all my energy is sinking into this chair...
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ice cream

Wig Pics!

OK, well, here are pics of my flamboyant indulgence. If I weren't a woman I would be such a big queen.

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Comments, tomatoes, ha-ha's accepted.
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    anxious anxious
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Dropped in my lap

I am suddenly feeling a LOT less guilty over all the spending I did Saturday and actually the weekend before as well!

Saturday I actually had received around $500 owed to me by my neighborhood association and today when I was depositing it, I realized I had around $150 in other reinbursement checks, stemming from the mortgage refinance and buying Caleb some groceries. I also had a monthly payment from CAP (my "Monday job") to deposit; it wasn't for the full amount since I didn't work full hours, but it was a good check. Well, I came home after that and in my mailbox there's a refund check from the IRS for like another $800 -- thanks to Caleb who noticed another deduction and was then willing to do revised forms for me. The State of GA should be sending me a check soon too! And I got paid this past Wednesday from my regular job.

So, anyway, considering I'm about to spend two weeks not working and thus (since I'm hourly, not salaried) unpaid, getting a bunch of money all at once is a good thing. (An even better thing is that with the mortgage refinance, for some reason I don't have to pay any mortgage for Oct. 1 -- first payment isn't until Nov. So I get to skip a month?!)
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    pleased pleased
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The miracle of reading and writing

I am intrigued by this article on vision therapy for people whose peculiar vision problems prevent learning.

I mean, if you think about it, the ability to read is AMAZING. This is something I (and you reading this too) do all day long, normally completely unconsciously, and yet there is so much to it. Somehow a pattern of lines on a page or screen or sign get tracked by our eyes, recognized, strung together and made into words -- not just words, but words that are synthesized into language, and synthetisized to the point that those little lines becomes meaningful thoughts that go "straight to our brain."

And not to mention typing and writing! How crazy is it that I can carry on conversations with people on the other side of the earth by reading characters on a screen and not ever hearing a voice. Or how cool is it I can pick up a book hundreds of years old and read it? It's stored rereadable code.
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    impressed impressed
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Numbers schmumbers

Hmmm. The NY Times is reporting an increase in the number of people without health insurance. It's "shot up" to 2.4 million. You know, I can't help but think that number is way low. I wonder what counts as being "insured." Because I am someone who doesn't even have much contract with people who are truly in poverty and yet have known a ton of people who were uninsured or practically uninsured. I've known people who've gone for years without dentist appt.'s who finally get a job and the FIRST thing they do is get their teeth fixed. Also know lots of who have insurance but can't actually address problems they have because it is just too expensive b/c it's not something covered. Yeah, that works!
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    cynical cynical

Childhood memoirs

Came across a review of this book Running With Scissors. Not only do I want to read it for its own sake, but it makes me think about my recently revived idea of doing something similar. Not a memoir, I don't think, but something about childhood. I already came up with my title: Childhood is Bad. To me, that sums up the big "no no" that wasn't allowed to be said while I was growing up. And it's not that childhood is bad, but that it should be OK to admit that there are some really sucky horrible things kids go through.

Still, I do think a memoir could happen at some point. I certainly have enough stories stored up. Example: Think of the possibilities involved in writing about Mrs. Broaudy, my manic-depressive schizoprenic babysitter / piano teacher. Or the fact my mom placed me in this care of this woman knowing she was manic-depressive schizoprenic who was not taking her meds. Oh, well, I turned out OK but damn, story fodder for sure!
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    nostalgic nostalgic