March 11th, 2004

sideview, obamame_sideview

Up Close Personals

I am screwing around with tonight and have to say, find it amusing that when I search for Men, two guys who live in my building come up. One of them lives immediately above me and probably sleeps "on top of me" (he he) and the other one lives down the hall from me. I actually find both of them attractive in some ways, but basically too normal for me, too moderate, nothing too extreme, nothing weird, nothing outspoken. Sure, they're great guys and all, but I know what I am. I could amuse a guy like that, but in a "She's so FREAKY, whoah, should I stick with it?" type of way. Instead of a "She's so FREAKY, as freaky as me, and I love it!" type of way. Oh, well, good think those two won't find ME when THEY search since my profile says I'm looking for women. (I'm not really too looking, but they force you to choose one.)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
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Wraeththu Events in Germany

Huh! Well, news of the day is that the New Order LARP Wraeththu thing isn't happening -- instead the big event will be "Seven Deadly Sins," the one at that castle in Germany, late December. Just a LITTLE change to the web site I just finished! Oh, well. Actually in some ways this makes it a bit easier, as Marja had already sent me a decent press release type of thing on the December event, whereas for New Order I had to get info from this horribly confusing web site in German and then for the English version, translate it (well, some of it!). Anyway, guess the site won't be "published" for a couple days yet.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
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Calm down, Wendy!

Caleb has been telling me this for some time, but I am beginning to realize I take certain things way too personally and get far too ticked off about stuff I shouldn't. A LOT of things slide right off of me -- I think I'm very easy-going -- but sometimes there are occasions where somebody challenges me in a certain way and I get SO furious, like BLOOD-BOILING furious. What annoys me is that often it's not an actual big deal I'm upset about.

I think the trigger for these rages is often an occasion when I feel like somebody is denying me the opportunity to defend myself and/or seeming to not listen / not undertand something I'm trying to say. I just get SO mad that somebody is impugning me, and when it happens it eats away at me for hours, sometimes days. I will go over what I've said, and what the other person said, 100 times, and every time it makes my blood boil.

This used to happen with me and my mother, as she's about 60% deaf and sometimes would need me to repeat myself -- by the fourth time, I didn't care if she was deaf, I was furious and didn't want to repeat what I'd said AGAIN. This was especially true if it was just some little, inconsequential remark which sounded DUMB when I repeated it four times. So I guess even in that, I was getting mad over nothing.

I guess the best thing for me to do, as I had to do a couple of weeks ago, is to simply LET GO of this sort of fury when it arises. One great thing I learned from Inward Revolution was the idea that you can made negative feelings simply go away simply by letting go of them. Often when a person is angry or sad, they actually CLING to those emotions and get some sick sort of satisfaction out of them. So even though they don't want to be angry or depressed, they dwell on those feelings more and more and it just makes it worse. So when I get really mad, I need to step back and realize I probably have no reason to be and POOF! angry will start to disperse.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable
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So Daniel's going out of town and Caleb and I, thinking what we might be doing this weekend, decided maybe we'd rustle up some fun with Enrique. Well, so far Caleb and Enrique are talking about going up to Chattanooga. I'm all for it, since I've wanted to go there ever since Caleb had a boyfriend up there and told me what it was like. Plus I can chalk up another state I've visited, and a Southern one at that, oh my!

My one concern, which will not be vanquished b/c it's valid, is that the boys will spend the ENTIRE ride up there talking about work stuff, which is basically very intense discussion of local development projects, neo-urbanism, mixed-use projects, zoning, the inner workings of the City of Atlanta planning department, Caleb's office, etc. Oh, and I forgot, detailed discussions of Enrique's redecorating plans, complete with marked catalog pages and lots of hand gestures.

It's true I can completely UNDERSTAND what they're saying, and I find a lot of it interesting, but it's the fact they go on so LONG about it. I like Enrique much better when he's NOT talking about planning, like when he and I go out alone. Oh, well, I'm good at tuning out :)

And meanwhile poor Enrique is in a panic because his parents are spending their usual time in Madrid and after that bombing, he can't reach them on the phone. Probably all the calling networks are clogged with panicky people calling for relatives. Hope he reached them soon!
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry

Working for my money

So I can edit their web site, my friend/client Anna from the Italian market just sent me an 18-page fax of their inventory, which is basically Italian groceries like cheese, pasta, oils, olives. So they are, like, in Italian. And she's hand-corrected all the prices on a list she had. In Italian. Oof. She gave me her phone number so we could talk through it. I'm going to be on the phone an hour struggling through names like Pavesini, Scaldatelli, La Corvina Borlotti, Pentelleria, Santorini, Corricelli... Vowels and and double letter Hell I think! LOL. Oh, well, I DID want this job!

Yes, I have a headache. And an accent from talking with Anna.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired

(no subject)

Well, not to further a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it seems my 3+ days of Upness is coming to a crashing halt. It's amazing. An hour ago I still felt good, and then I suddenly starting "sinking" it that weepy black pit again. Got a headache, now I'm all hot, and I want to cry. For NO reason. It's a beautiful day, I have some relatively easy client work to do, there's nothing to stress about, but I just want to lie down. It happens so suddenly sometimes. What is UP with that?

I'll be quiet now, I promise.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

Gettin' Better & Names

I don't know what the deal is, but after around 3 hours, the dark angel thing that jumped on me left, and now I feel OK again. It's true I did finally receive a (large) outstanding client payment in the mail, but I don't think that's why switched me around. Must not question the mystery!

Meanwhile, got that "Nickname" meme...

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  • Current Music
    "Purple Rain"