May 10th, 2004

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Take a breath

My stupid breathing malfunction, where I just seem to stop breathing / forget to breath, has come back. I had it really bad a for while, December and January I think, but then it went away. For the past couple of nights I've been trying to fall asleep when suddenly I jump up all panicked because I realize I've forgot to breathe again. The sensation is really odd -- it's like I've exhaled but there is no instinct to inhale and the "instinct" is to do nothing, because everything will be fine.

I know I hypochrondriate (that should be a verb!) a lot but I wonder if this breathing thing happens while I'm sleeping, like sleep apnea, and that is why I feel so goddamn horrible when I wake up. It would make a lot of sense, because I know with apnea you basically stop breathing and wake up a bit, over and over, and it leaves you exhausted because you don't get deep sleep.

This thing is actually happening right now. It freaks me out because you rely on breathing like your heartbeat -- it just happens. But with this I feel insecure somehow like it'll stop while I'm asleep.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable
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This morning I woke up under ones of the heaviest "grogs" I've felt in a long time.

Pretty much per usual, I was so incredibly hot for no reason, as I've only got a couple of blankets on the bed and the heat's obviously not on this time of years.

Worse than being hot, though, was this feeling like I basically hadn't been breathing all night. My breathing when I wake up is soooooooooooo slow and shallow, it's kind of scary, especially since it must be even slower when I'm asleep. I was reading more about apnea and found out that besides conditions where you stop breathing, there are ones where people just slow their breathing down way too much, leading to having under-oxygenated blood, which certainly would lead to extreme lethargy.

It took me around 30 minutes to get myself out of bed, most of that time trying to force some breath. Finally I got up and I think I could've pretended to be hung over, I looked and felt that awful. In the shower, I tried so hard to breathe faster and kept trying to take really deep breaths and feel "fresh," but I just couldn't. I even turned the shower on cold thinking it would help but it didn't do much. Finally I used the emergency inhaler I have and that seemed to relax my lungs somewhat.
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted
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Bad restaurants

Something versailles_rose just posted about a bad restaurant made me want to ask:

What's the worst restaurant you've ever been to?

I eat out a lot, all kinds of places, but I think one of the worst "restaurants" I ever ate at was a "pizza parlour" (notice the quotes) in Washington, DC. This was sometime around 1995, while I was in DC for a big GLBT journalism confernece. I was a poor student so I was trying to be economical and getting a slice of pizza, versus having sit-down somewhere, seemed sensible. Well, I walk into this joint and despite being in a very upscale area, near the National Zoo, it was one of the sketchiest places ever. The guy working there looked like a major recovering drug addict and when he made the pizza, I swear he put the mozzarella on AFTER he'd heated the slice in the toaster oven (note: toaster oven). On top of this, none of the chairs in the place seemed to have four working legs... they were kind of like stools, only not. And there was this woman friend of the guy's, with her screaming baby. In retrospect, I have no explanation for why I even bothered ordering or eating except a) I didn't have enough imagination to think you can screw up pizza and b) I was too cheap to leave my pizza and get another meal.

Meanwhile Caleb and I once had the fancy price fixe lunch at Bacchanalia, Atlanta's #1 top rated restaurant and pretty much vowed we wouldn't go back there. No complaints about the food but UGH! the incredibly obsequious service, stuffy atmosphere and total SNOOOOOOOTINESS was a total turn-off and I can't understand how or why anybody'd put themselves through it, especially when you're paying through the nose. I've been to lots of expensive restaurants, but in some of them, you're allowed to enjoy yourself and even talk.
  • Current Music
    90s techno
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The work begins...

I started editing the MS. It's really long so I may as well get crackin' and do a little bit each day.

One of the first things I did was run a spell check, and you know, it's just crazy how many inconsistencies there are between US and UK spelling. My spell check went "ding ding ding" like 100 times over words like rumour, recognise, gaol, plus all their various forms, like past tense and plural. I swear, I never notice the spelling and punctuation differences so much as I do when I'm editing.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
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Rated R for...

No smoking in movies? Much as I despise smoking (sorry, smokers, it's hate the sin, not the sinner here), some of these folks are way over the edge. Make a movie R if characters smoke? Huh? Bad enough Whale Rider is rated R because of some little scene with somebody smoking a joint. On a related note, radio and TV stations are watching what they say. Jeez. Like, let's burn down the house, huh? Like... I'm going to stick to reading. (How is it that BOOKS aren't rated?????) Fahrenheit 451 on a flying f'in biscuit...
  • Current Music
    "Get Ready for This"
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Allllmost done

Well, the Spring edition of Inception is almost done now, but still not quite. Today I formatted an article madame_mercredi sent me last week and wrote up a piece that's a look at what Immanion Press got up to in its first year (an idea I just thought of and lucky too, since we were low on article). Now I've just got to finish a book review round-up; decided that rather than doing six lengthy reviews of the "backlog" I've got on books to review, I'm doing medium-length capsule reviews of them. I just did one for Left Hand of Darkness (Angelo did a review too, which goes in) and tomorrow I'll spend an hour doing the other 5 books. Then I'll just have the news page and main pages to do and it will be DONE. It's probably the "latest" Inception to come out, but I guess May 11 or 12th isn't bad really considered deadline was May 1.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful