July 8th, 2004

sideview, obamame_sideview

Being 'difficult'

Hmmm. It's about 4 a.m. and I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment. Had a fine day really, Chris Coyle came visiting, we all went shopping in town, enjoyed fish & chips, lots of great chats, saw a good movie, etc... and then around 1 or 2 we started dancing and it made me all depressed.

Actually I was happy dancing but for some reason Storm decided to take it upon herself to teach me how to dance, or at least how to dance using the lower half of my body. She and Chris and Caleb totally meant well and were prepared to be patient, but there was something about being instructed that really got my feathers up -- esp. since I prize dancing among my favorite things on earth and am confident in how I do it. It was just excrutiating for me to try something different, though it really shouldn't have been. They were being nice, encouraging, and I even sort of saw their point but it hit all the wrong buttons with me.

Afterward I went and tucked Caleb into bed and downstairs I just felt very embarrassed and like some stupid aspect of my personality had been revealed. Suddenly I felt like an outsider, like I couldn't do things right, and just all weird in a bad way -- like lonely, frigid, inhibited, uptight... Just depressed really. I really felt like talking about it but I did want to go to bed so I didn't.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed