I haven't felt "right" for a few months, but it's been especially bad for the past month. Don't know what to do about it. Normally I'd be able to fix whatever it is, but my state of mind is so messed up I don't seem able to. It's a combination of lack of energy, lack of interest, depression, confusion, and dizziness. Feel like everything I do is disorganized, I can't remember stuff, I keep making mistakes. My clients have to put up with me being late, which drives me crazy but I can't seem to do stuff.
It's like somebody threw a monkeywrench into my brain or slipped me something so my brain doens't work right.
The only things I can think of as fixes are sleep, exercise and possibly meditation. What sucks is, I have so much crap to do before I leave the country, I doubt those things will happen and I will basically leave in a complete and utter muddle.
Where did me go?
Not surprisingly, I slept terribly last night. In fact, I think I had nightmares. At one point, around 3 a.m., I woke up SURE something terrible had happened. I almost got up to check CNN because I thought somebody had died, there'd been a plane crash, a terrorist attack, etc. However, I managed to fall asleep again, though I think I woke up a 1/2 hour later with the same bad feeling. I woke up super achey, after having clenched and twisted up my muscles in new and painful ways :( Took an aspirin first thing and I guess I feel less sore now. I'm also trying to stay calm and keep my head sorted, but I don't know that I have any real control over that.
I just love it when I'm waiting weeks on a client to send me pictures, content, etc. for a site -- the ball's in their court -- and then they call or email me asking so "So when is the web site going to be done?" It's like they totally forget that I need them to do stuff and that I don't have their files, their knowledge, etc., which is why we agreed they would be supplying me with such. Instead we have both been sitting on our hands and meanwhile I don't get paid.
As I was picking up my newspaper from the desk downstairs in the lobby, the security officer, who's new, remarked to me that I looked really good and always do. I was like, "Wow, thanks, I like to dress," but before I could go on, she was asking me HOW I do it. "I don't know what will look good on me," she says. "Any basic tips?"
I found it was really hard to explain how I know what to wear, but I gave her a few tips. Then on the way to work I thought about it more. Here are some basic principles:
1. Wear clothes that flatter YOU. Just because it looks good on your best friend, your mother, or some famous person doesn't mean it looks good on you. Your build and coloring are invididual.
2. Don't wear clothes that are too big for you. If you have a nice shape (even a "big" one) and constantly wrap yourself up in huge sweatshirts, baggy pants, etc., people will never know about your nice shape. Many people who have a decent figure wear "tents" or sweats a lot and look dumpy.
3. Don't wear clothes that make you look sick, totally overpower you, or totally wash you out. Examples would be somebody like me wearing yellow (looks like jaundice), some pale person w/o a lot of coloirng wearing bright purple (aaah!) or white (person disappears, 'cause it's all white).
4. Don't wear shoes you can't walk in. (Duh!)
5. Used/vintage clothes offer you uniqueness because nobody else will have them (unlike when you buy a shirt at the Gap or a dress at Express and then everybody and their mom has the same one). What often works is having some "basics" from chain stores, like black jeans or a nice black blouse, and then accenting it with some cool vintage thing.
6. Spending extra on something that's "basic" is totally worth it. You will wear it often, yet it won't wear out like a cheap piece of crap that will need to be replaced.
7. Unless you're going someplace dark, don't mix multiple types of velour/velvet-like material. It just looks weird.
8. Don't be a living advertising billboard -- avoid clothes that have logos, brand names, etc. on them. A novelty or political or sports or band TV shirt is OK sometimes, but if your shoes, pants, shirt, hat, etc. all have logos on them, it's visual polution and makes you look tacky. (I will almost never wear anything with any logo, name, or other writing or mark on it.)
9. Stand up straight. It makes almost anybody look better!
10. Be (look) confident about your body &/or clothes. If you have a nice blouse on, don't hunch up or cross your arms so nobody can see. For some people this is hard since they are shy, but if you have more confidence in yourself, other people will respond to you better.
That's all I can think of for now. I will say that recently I have violated a major clothes rule, which is don't wear clothes that cause "diffusion" (i.e. are too small and make you look like a cow), so that's why I skipped it on the list.
Updates from the ever-exciting world of Georgia Tech, where I am still stuck working 2 days a week:
1) Asked my boss if I could have a raise when this 6-mo. contract I'm on gets renewed and he said it was "certainly possible." He's going to crunch some numbers and see if they can afford to boost my hourly pay. I would guess they can, since I only work about 14 hrs. a week and yet I'm a vital function.
2) Got the Toshiba laptop they're loaning me for England. I'm trying to get them to lend me a case for it, since I won't wanna break the puppy. I've never had a laptop before in my life, although I'd used them on occasion. I'm going to bring it home over the weekend to test it and load it with files and stuff. Also, I want to put a regular mouse on it because I *cannot* work with that "pad" thing.
3) They still haven't found anybody even worth *interviewing* to replace me in a FT position. Apparently every web designer in town who has hands-on experience, knows Macromedia and is good with CSS already has a job. Everybody we do find turns out to be full of BS, i.e. acting like they know stuff and have done stuff, even though they haven't. *Sigh* Good news is, hopefully they will start paying me more come March.
From an email forwarded to me by a client, who needs me to make some fixes to their web site:
While looking over the proposal for the Muscogee County Midtown Plan, I noticed two typo or grammatical errors that need editing by the Metro Girl.
I love that: THE Metro Girl.
In actual fact I've actually had many cases where I've met people, talked with them, and then given them my card only to hear them go, "Wait, you're THE Metro Girl!" They know me from being on web sites I've done but didn't know it was me.
What really makes me secretly giggle is I know the origin of my biz name and they don't. Which is a good thing!