I don't know why, but ever since I got back from Italy, I've had a case of the Lazies. It's not like I've just "sat around" for two weeks and sure, yeah, I've done some work, managed to go grocery shopping, keep appointments, continue the job hunt, etc., but a lot of other stuff I've just been letting slide.
My apartment has suffered most. I've sort of half picked up the main room 4-5 times but I never finish and it quickly degenerates again. The bedroom, office and master bath haven't been picked up AT ALL since I got home. I'm pretty sure every piece of clothing I've worn or washed in the past two weeks is on the floor. There are also 10 pairs of shoes on the floor. Also piles of mail, bills, receipts, books. Luckie probably has lost half a dozen cat toys amidst all this. Meanwhile I have to say that while I haven't been horrible, I haven't been as good about my exercise/diet regimin.
It's like I was so much more motivated and energetic before Italy and since I've been back, I'm just really apathetic. Some days I feel like I might as well just stay in bed, for all I'm getting done. Oddly, I don't feel depressed, as in sad or negative, but it's that same sort of "Ugh, why bother?" type feeling.
EDIT: Maybe I spoke too soon and I really am depressed. I don't know. I have a headache, don't want to do anything, and want to cry. Even playing with Luckie seems like too much effort. Maybe it's my hormones. I've had to be off BC because of a stupid prescription mix-up, and my cycle completely stopped. Argh. Anyway, I feel like complete crap.
My day wasn't going that great -- felt depressed, behind on work, had a headache, house is a mess, etc. -- but this afternoon things tanked to the point where it was almost funny. And OK, I had to laugh.
The worst bit was the first: I was in such a last-minute rush to catch a bus to that church that I hustled down to the bus stop, two blocks off, and was all set to get on the bus when I realized I wasn't wearing a skirt. I. Wasn't. Wearing. A. Skirt. As in, I had gone out just wearing a top and tights, with an overcoat over it.
Um... Yeah. I was a tad embarrassed by this.
So I rushed back to my building and pulled on the skirt I had intended to wear but sort of forgot about. Of course by the time I got back to the stop, I had missed the 1:10 bus and had to wait for the 1:45. This was made even worse by the fact that I was waiting at the Alabama/Forsyth bus stop, which is pretty much the apex of Downtown's "ghetto" culture. It smelled like pee, people were smoking, spitting up chew, arguing on cell phone over their "baby daddies," and in the midst of this, there were beggers, schizophrenics and people missing limbs.
I had a book to read so I did that 'til the bus came. (I also got a call from Caleb, who got my "I forgot my skirt!" text message and had to call and laugh at me.) Then I got stressed out by being on a strange bus headed into, you guessed it, the ghetto. Actually several different ghetto neighborhoods. Meanwhile I'm dressed all prim and proper, down to a fancy black hat even, and am clutching the bus route map and a Mapquest map showing my destination. I followed every twist and turn all the way there, where I missed my stop and had to backtrack.
So, I'm there, only 5 minutes late, and I go to enter the church. Only there are 5-6 doors (sanctunary, community center, meeting hall, etc.) and they're all locked. One of them has a doorbell but after I rang it three times, nobody answered. I tried calling the minister, the business office, then the minister again, but there was no answer. I then called Caleb, who told me to go home.
By that point I had a terrible headache and was ticked off. But at least the bus came within five minutes! So cue me heading back through the ghetto -- while reading my Watching the English pop anthropology book, i.e. off in another world.
Next came an actually good part of this -- the end, I hope! I felt so crap I decided I wanted something good to eat. I was most tempted to get ice cream, but instead I had something pretty sensible at the French cafe: French lemonade, a cup of tomato soup, and a plate of pumpkin ravioli. It was exquisite. That set me right.
Now I'm home and hoping things are settled and I can just work. Today has been embarassing and inconvenient enough.
EDIT: Aha! The minister just called me back. He had taken his wife to a 11 a.m. doctor appt. and somehow it stretched way longer than he'd expected and thus he wasn't able to get back to the church on time. And he didn't have my phone number. Ack! We're doing the interview by phone at 4.
EDIT 2: So it's 4:16 and I've called the minister 3 times since 4 but he's not picking up the phone. OK, now I am annoyed. Again.
EDIT 3: Called again around 4:30 and got him on the phone... but he had to call me back. He called at 4:45... and then we talked for AN HOUR! I guess this makes it worth it? The man has lived in the area we're studying for 48 years. So, yeah, good person to talk to.
I've just finished writing up the interview with the minister. So at least I accomplished ONE thing today!
Meanwhile, I am still wearing my skirt. And am now going to do a "skirt check" every time I leave home.
Kind of stupid, but I feel quite accomplished to have finally picked up the main room. I've started on it several times the past two weeks but never finished, so what I had was layers of crap, really. Now that I've filled up the dishwasher, done a huge load of pots and pans, swept, and got rid of all the junk that was about (OK, even if I just threw it in the bedroom), I feel much better.
Lately I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed by life. It's not necessarily all the big projects I'm working on, but lots of piddling things piling on top of me. It's like tiny taps of hammer, ramming in the nail. Ugh. I kind of felt like I was cracking up this afternoon, what with going out without any bottoms on. I mean, me, Wendy, forgetting to finish dressing?!
Anyway, I feel better now and there is a faint whisper of productivity I hear, so I will go and see if I can do the things I should've done earlier today.
So why is it that Luckie has no interest in sitting on my lap when I'm watching TV or just, well, want her to sit there... but thinks my lap is the BEST place to sit when I'm sitting here at the computer? It's taken her a while to work up to this, but for the past week running, she comes in here making peeping sounds until I pick her up and put her here. She's not even interested in the cursor, which she used to be. She just sits her and acts like some kind of arm rest as I type. Not like I'm expecting logic here, but I marvel at the mystery of the cat.