As I cleaned out my office yesterday I realized that right now I feel like I'm recovering after a long illness -- which is exactly the case. Just like somebody who's been stuck in a hospital or thrown out of the normal stream of life by physical illness, now that my depression, anxiety and other mental woes are ebbing, I'm having to go through the process of relearning how to do things and actually seeing the things that have happened in my "absence." In the case of my office, I finally took my old desktop, giant monitor and old keyboard out of the room, despite the fact I haven't so much as turned them on in about two years. I just let them sit and gather dust, waste space and inconvenience me because I just didn't feel ilke dealing with it. But I spent a half an hour yesterday and finally it was gone!
It's taken months, but I seem to be getting to the bottom of a whole lot of detritus that built up, literally and figuratively. I've been taking care of bills, paperwork, home maintenance, cleaning jobs, web projects and a boatload of other things that I simply let hang, pile up or screech to a halt. I keep coming across piles of paper or old emails or other crap I stashed away during the worst of my illness and it's a concrete reminder of how sick I was, that I just could not cope with stuff. It's like finding dustbunnies under the bed but it's not lint, it's really important stuff I should have taken care of. For example, there's the doctor's bill from May '06 that went unpaid until a couple weeks ago because I was just sort of collecting all the insurance and hospital notices and hoping it would fix itself. It wasn't until I started getting annoying phone calls from a collection agency that I got on it. And earlier this year, I lost my health insurance because I was late on a payment. I lost homeowner's insurance, same reason.
The good thing is, not only am I catching up with the messes, but I'm tackling new things and actually getting them done. Lately I find that if I put my mind to do something, initiate a process, get something off my agenda, I actually am going an making it happen. My home has been so much cleaner because I put the dishes away and hang up my clothes before bed and take out the garbage... instead of letting everything pile up and rot. My email inbox is so much smaller because I now read and respond to my email instead of marking everything "Read" and deliberately skipping over things I don't want to deal with. My voicemail doesn't have a zillion messages in it because I check it and take care of messages that are left there. The other day I upgraded the hosting plan for Metrogirl.com, which I've needed to do for several years now, and I did it with a simple phone call. I didn't even hesitate to pick up the phone! I also go grocery shopping at least once a week, making sure to have food in the house so I eat well, instead of letting it run out and eating out or eating unhealthily just because I'm putting off the shopping.
Anyway, I hope to stay in remission as long as possible.
Been a while since I did this, but there are things I feel I should catch up on...
...Luckie's patch of ringworm has improved quite a bit. No more icky scabby stuff and the fur is growing back. I continue to treat it with medicine twice a day, she continues to put up with it, surprisingly.
...Over the past couple of days I've been re-reading one of my all-time favorite bits of Vamp Chron fan fiction ever, "The Secret History," and not only am I awed and moved by it (again! again! and again!) but it's actually inspired me to pull out The Books. Which I have not touched in about five years, as I put them in a sort of mental quarantine. I think possibly I may be able to reread them, which is possible if I can just omit all thoughts of their author.
...Just now I was using iTunes and two different "Shared" accounts popped up. One of them was protected, had to show I was this other person with rights, but the other one was open, so I listened to a bunch of Frank Sinatra tunes. I'm guessing the songs belong to one of my neighbors here in the building, on our network. So weird that I could access them.
...Tonight on BBC America, after How Clean Is Your House?, Top Gear came on. I could not stop giggling. Very enjoyable, because though it's ostensible about cars, which hold no interest for me, it's not really. Kind of like Cartalk!
...Had a rather random "lunch" at work today, consumed in small bits over hours: pineapple, pita bread, mixed nuts, coconut/date chunks, and more pita. And a Diet Coke and 5 glasses of water.
...Last night when I cleaned my office and moved my old computer, I rearranged my laptop and gear so now the speakers are towards the front of the desk instead of way, way back. I can hear the music so much better now that the sound isn't muffled, coming from behind my old monitor. Yay!
...The sheet set Caleb got me for my birthday is on my bed and feels very clean and nice. And it's attractive of course... black and white polka dots.
...In my therapy book, there's a chapter on dealing with "difficult people." There's a checklist on what makes a "difficult" person. Caleb met 7 out of 10 criteria, easily. I think I met the other three. Which is why we have so much fun together!
Just downloaded and installed Picasa. Just in My Pictures, it found 397folders worth of images. And people say I'm untidy! Not when it comes to organizing computer files. Which is why I have Picasa, so I can tag all my pictures...